but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There's always time for handjobs
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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