Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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