Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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