This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
