guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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