did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
