so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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