Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
