one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
