Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
