Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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