I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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