so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
