so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
