i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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