just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she smelled like a LAN party
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
