I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
