Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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