I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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