i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
