Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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