Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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