You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
