just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize