anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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