I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
