it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
