What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
