Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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