Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it hurts more in the daytime
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
