My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My ATM looks so different sober.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
