So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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