we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
