We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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