Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
When did we convert life to cartoon?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
