I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
