walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
