That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
