Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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