all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
