ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
