Porn is love you can see.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
