I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
