I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
