if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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