Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
3pm strippers are depressing
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
wow bdsm is so cute
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
