I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
