Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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