Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
