The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
