If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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