so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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