I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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