Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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