he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
